Paris Hilton
A review of her debut album called 'Paris'
Review
Snapshot:
Self-styled new era icon and soon-to-be-more-minted hotel heiress throws money
at a childhood fantasy, hires decent producers and produces an album that the
money men will love and everyone else will just go 'nyeh' to.
The Cluas Verdict: 6.5 out of 10.
Full Review:
Within the first nine seconds of her eponymous debut (God help us, is
she planning more?), Paris Hilton moans, groans a 'yeah', drops a cliché
'that's hot' and blathers a shout-out to her producer. Immediately the panic
alarms sound. Surely a genuine artist wouldn't indulge every hip-hop stereotype
within the first ten seconds of their recording career? Such is Hilton's telling
choice. What follows in the next forty minutes is - gulp - really not all that
bad though.
Hilton's music career is very obviously an vanity project; the
fantasised birthday present of any Hollywood teen überprincess, but because
she's basically minted beyond belief, she can buy the best talent that non-dirty
money can buy. The result is a mixed bag; a conclusion that while you might need
some talent to put an album together, the reality is that anyone can make a good
collection if they've enough money to rent enough expertise.
Opener "Turn It Up" is, aside from the aforementioned 10-second cringe-o-rama, a
reasonable offering. Big league knob-twiddler Scott Storch (of 50 Cent and
Beyoncé works his magic and interweaves some cheerleader vocals into an RnB
grunk that genuinely fits with an archetypical midweek night out. The following
"Fightin' Over Me", while cringey in the extreme with blatant renting of ego
diesel in Jadakiss and Fat Joe, is a memorable lump too. Again Storch does his
job to perfection, keeping a drum 'n' piano roll to perfect impact while Paris
does little more than whisper about how lads fight over her because "I'm hot to
death and so, so, so sexy." Moving on.
"Stars Are Blind", the lead single, sounds like a Fatboy Slim remix of a UB40
back catalogue. Hilton's "kittenish" (copyright, her media people - perhaps
'fragile' would be a better reading) vocals are used only on backing aaaahs
while a surprisingly more accomplished and wholesome voice shines through on
main lyrical duties. You can't help but chuckle at "I can make it nice and
naughty", says she who's known to half the Western world for being in an
internet sex video as much as for being a TV star or model.
Rattling onwards, Jonathan Rotem (Rhianna) engineers excellent string samples
and a song-making siren into the likeable and impedingly radio-friendly "I Want
You". "Jealousy", meanwhile, has a baffling string intro before launching into a bitchfest against on/off TV partner and best pal Nicole Richie who is
"no longer
the girl I once knew" and who will "never walk a day in my shoes", before
finishing with a vocalised where-did-it-all-go-wrong olive branch. For a song to
do with ego problems, though, it's a genuine case of stone-throwing by people in
glasshouses.
"Heartbeat" is a short, minimalist ode to whoever she's currently going out
with. The idea is that she can feel the other half of her heartbeat lying there
with her. "The way you do me", though, is probably enough to prompt a
fast-forward. "Nothing In This World" was undoubtedly written for Kelly Clarkson - and lo and behold, was written by the same Dr Luke who penned "Since You've
Been Gone". The result, inevitably, is upbeat lite-band material that has still
been tailored to pack an egotistical punch ("I can do what she can do so much
better"). "Screwed" follows in the same rocky mould, Hilton delivering something
sounding like a Pink/Steps duet.
"Not Leaving Without You" does exactly what it says on the tin and isn't much to
talk about, other than to note that the RnB openings of the album seem
completely lost in the flow of more listenable disco rock. "Turn You On" that
follows then seems remarkably out of place as a return to the earlier stuff that
pumps self-image as much as a dancefloor. If only, if only, she hadn't finished
by tearing apart Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" with kittenish (except
this time read 'crap') vocals and left it dripping with ego juice. Arrrrrgh! It
might be a recommendable album if it didn't leave such a rancid aftertaste.
Close, but no post-coital cigar.
To buy a
new or (very reasonably priced) 2nd hand copy of this album on Amazon just click
here.
