Sham, you could write a review and submit it - CLUAS has posted 'alternative' reviews in the past. Don't forget the new 'comments' function on each new album review - which seems to be doing exactly the job it was intended to do! (including replies from the review writer)

Not sure about 'objective', though: reviews aren't objective - they're a personal point of view. 'I hate it' is a perfectly valid opinion/review of an album.

the review was sensationalist for sensationalism's sake

have to read this review now! (the songs i heard were good but not as memorable as i'd hoped for)

'I hate it' is perfectly valid, but his review is so exagerrated and self-involved ("I can remember a Wednesday, sometime in June 1981..." - oh feck off!) that it stops being an album review and starts being a personal account of the torment and strife inflicted by the album on the reviewer, and well, nobody cares really. Do they? It detracts from the review, the whole point of the exercise. Unless you're Lester Bangs or Nick Kent it's very hard to pull-off an album review where so much of the reviewers personal experiences with the music comes into play. No offence to Mr. Morrissey but he's no Lester Bangs. And nobody is going to take a review like this seriously when the reaction is so exagerrated.

In fairness to him, he did attempt to try and analyse where Bjork is going wrong in his opinion (second last paragraph). So he's at least trying to back up his claims, but a statement like:

"If by these words I’ve prevented one person from buying this stinking heap I’ll face my maker a happy man."

&

"50 years down the line it will still sound as contrived, as forced, and ultimately, as hollow as it did the day it was let loose on the world. "


...is just pretentious and the review itself is just daft.

Erm, yeah. That pretty much nails it. Forget what I said.

I agree with Peejay and Una insofar as I think the 0/10 rating distracted from the review. Would there have been such a reaction to the same review if it was 1/10? But the reviewer, Anthony, stands by it.

i saw 'declare independence' on the Beeb's glasto coverage and thought "this is not one of bjork's best songs, not by a long shot", certainly not in the same league as bjork's early albums or even the more inspired moments off 'medulla'
but in fairness i haven't heard the whole album, so i need to get me some 'volta' before i can say more

I hate Bjork too and, whilst Tony didn't prevent me from spending cash on a stinking heap I wasn't going to buy anyway, its nice to know that someone else sees her for screeching cat in the washing machine that she so obviously is.

Did you read it? He does appear to like Bjork, he just thinks the new album is a waste of her talent.

"I hate Bjork too and, whilst Tony didn't prevent me from spending cash on a stinking heap I wasn't going to buy anyway, its nice to know that someone else sees her for screeching cat in the washing machine that she so obviously is"

Right on the money Jules......I cannot stand Bjork..... her voice, her songs..the ridiculous praise she gets heaped on her because she is the only quirky..crazy..Icelandic musician ever...JAYSUS...

i remember all the crazy press about her second album POST...didnt get it at all..

That said some people oibviously do.....

Regarding sensationalism...when I used to write music reviews I hated using that stars or rating system...for the most part people look straight to the rating without reading the review....

I think he acknowledges her talent and I suspect that that is why he gave her 0/10..in so far as he thinks she is taking the p*ss out of her fans, and the label....which is fair enough.

Pretentious-moi? There’s been a few issues raised here, some valid, some not so. I agree with some, disagree with others. I did'nt set out to create such a stir here. Truth to tell, after my experiences with Volta I reckon the less people hear it or about it the better. First up though, I love writing for Cluas, basically because it’s writing for the love of it rather than for the sake of a few filthy shekels. In editorial terms its writers are given relatively free rein and the incorporation of alternate reviews also acts as a balance to views expressed. I’ve absolutely no agenda with Bjork, certainly on the basis of her previous stuff. She has talent, presence and kookiness by the bucket. Lack of focus is a serious moot point, but overall my review will not damage her long term prospects. Let’s face it, from what I’ve heard here she can’t do any worse than Volta. Granted too that I’m no Lester Bangs, though it’s nice to be mentioned on the same page as him. Long ago I originally set out to be this generation’s John Arlott or Neville Cardus. It never happened. But we’ll let that pass too.

Volta itself – I was asked to provide a long review of the album so I wanted to give it proper attention. I was very mindful too of a bad experience I had reviewing another album for another publication a couple of years ago. I gave that one a good listen and a bad review, not as bad as Volta, but bad enough. I listened to it again recently and wondered if I was a bit harsh in that case. I was particularly mindful of not letting this to happen to Volta, of being as fair as I could, at whatever price to my long term health. I missed the original deadline for this review, but I listened to Volta for three weeks, on an ipod, from a laptop, in my car, in departures, on a plane, at a poolside, on a beach, on a plane again, in arrivals. I listened to it in good form and bad. I desperately tried to find something good in it but I just could’nt. I did not exaggerate a word in the review. The reason why I mentioned the bad experience with Genesis was to give some sort of context, a review this critical cried out for it. It’s rarely that an album can adversely affect me in such a bad, skin crawling toe curdling way but Volta did. It is now an absolute conviction with me-this is the worst album I’ve ever heard. I loathe the sound of it and as I said before, I feel the exercise was a waste of a lot of people’s time, mine included.

I stand by the nought out of ten but I agree with previous contributors, scores out of ten are a lazy option for people who can’t be bothered to read the review. Besides, Cluas is a music writing forum, not a pools coupon. I gave the nought out of ten an awful lot of thought. It gives me my final word here - if there was a minus scoring facility I’d have used it.

Anthony

Fair enough. The only thing that pisses me off about the album is the sticker you have to kind of half peel off to open the case. Oh yeah and earth intruders is a BANGER when played loud try it.

Objective and level headed are all well and good if you're answering the poetry questions on your English exam but, in my view, they are also two things any music writer worth his or her salt should definitely not be. And what's so bad about a bit of sensationalism every now and again? Anthony listened to the album, came to his opinion and then did what every reviewer should - Set about the task of committing his words to print in the most entertaining way he knew how. It's not Anthony's job to consider my feelings or those of anyone else. His only responsibility is to himself and his priority must be to write the most interesting and entertaining piece he can. I thought it was a great read - whether I agree with any of it is irrelevant.

Let's say your in a pub with two pals, discussing the latest album releases. One of them gives his opinion in a flat dreary expressionless monotone - the other breathlessly, with wide eyes and extravagant hand gestures. It seems to me that loads of people want their rock hacks to be like the former. I can't for a moment think why.

And, while we're at it,what's wrong with a little self absorbtion? I don't see anything wrong with "I can remember a Wednesday, sometime in June 1981". Anyone worth reading doesn't park their personality when they sit down at the keyboard. In order for it to be of any use you've got to put a little bit of yourself in it, I think.

Different music affects different people in different ways. Isn't that what's great about it? You don't listen to an album with a checklist in front of you, ticking boxes as you go. One man's Meat Loaf is another man's Poison featuring Bret Michaels, as I am admittedly overfond of saying. Anthony hated it, he's entitled to hate it and he told us about it in a very enjoyable manner. Whatever the content, in my book that makes his review a success.

Eh ok then

What, there's no in between? Nobody wants a flat and dreary opinion, but the extravagant and breathless approach can be just as annoying and empty. Being opinionated is fine (that’s what they're there for) but when the review becomes more about the reviewer and the music takes a backseat to their profound musings it just becomes irrelevant. Entertaining, maybe, but irrelevant. Its an album review, not a blog. A good review talks about the music, and if its done well it can inform the reader without patronising them and make for a good read too.